For over a decade, Harvey documented the human condition — 280 characters at a time — from somewhere in the greater Baltimore metropolitan area, probably sitting in a chair that belongs to him, near a floor that does not permit bare feet.
“I have a Twitter account. Well sink me!”
He has not slowed down since, though he has taken naps. Multiple naps. Three in a single day, once. He reported this.
What Harvey Tweets About
Home Improvement
Harvey replaced a broken cup holder in five minutes using a YouTube video and a $36 non‑OEM part. He resurfaced his driveway — front porch and front porch sidewalk — in four hours. He Pine‑Sol’d his closet doors and found it both visually and olfactorily satisfying. His lawn, particularly after a vertical cut, is a source of genuine pride.
Technology
“OK I give‑in. I just ordered a smart phone.”
He has a Squeezebox media player tuned to smooth jazz. He has xFi pods. He has a Ring Doorbell Solar Charger and has performed a thorough seasonal analysis of its sun exposure. He loves his Star Trek light switch plate. He has Sheldon Cooper’s Fun With Flags opinions. He spotted the Spock.
Philosophy
“Expansion and contraction. That’s life.”
He wasn’t trying to start a religion. He may have been talking about the driveway. Either way, he’s not wrong.
“Sometimes my comments are irrelevant and add no value.”
This is the most self‑aware thing anyone has ever posted on Twitter and almost no one read it.
The Bathroom Phone Problem
“Why is it when I have my pants around my ankles and I am using the toilet, I get an important call. And I don’t have my phone next to me.”
No resolution was offered. The question stands.
His Undercarriage
It has never seen water. He mentioned this unprompted.
Harvey on Family
Harvey is a father. A grandfather. A man who once dragged a Christmas tree through a lobby and an elevator in his condominium complex and spent years waiting for the right moment to bring it up. That moment was Twitter.
He remembers the long walks to the Oceanside in Ocean City carrying baby gear, including a small crib. He has chores for you. He estimates they will take 62 seconds. He is watching. He has a nose grease database, and he is not bluffing.
“Now are you going to let me finish, or are you going to take over?”
“Wow — the basement is looking much better. Great job, son.”
“Great Scott! Where has the time gone?! I have grandson!”
Harvey on the Passage of Time
“10 years on Twitter! Thank you — thank you very much.”
“I can no longer read‑only Harvey Farquhar on Twitter. Is this a new ‘policy’ for Twitter? I don’t want to join.”
“Does anyone read these Twitters besides me?”
Harvey Farquhar: A Summary
He had hotcakes and bacon. He found his lost prescription eyeglasses after nine months. He got a $175 Comcast bill credit and considered it a lucky day — because it was.
He loves XKEs. He saw Chicago live in 1974 and again decades later and it got his butt out of the chair. He once marked the day he made an error. He made a note.
“I haven’t written anything worthwhile in awhile… though I’ve said many thoughtful things. I should write them down again.”
He did. It’s all here.
Welcome to the archive. Mind the floor — no bare feet.